3rd Cause for Marriage Challenges

Here's the third: Different preferences!

When you were dating, the two of you enjoyed one another's preferences. This is what made you a couple. Your wife may have had many friends and you appreciated that about her. But now she spends so much time with her friends on the phone, meeting for coffee or shopping at malls that she has no time for you anymore.

It's important to see these preferences are not wrong. It just means your spouse thinks differently than you. One of you likes to spend the afternoon sitting at the beach curled up with a good book and the other wants to go water skiing at the lake. You can both do your "own thing." But also leave room for something you can both do together or just take turns.

2nd source of Marital Conflict

Here's the second source of Marital Conflict: Emotional injury that was not intentional.

When you married your spouse, you did not do so with any desire to intentionally hurt her feelings. But you will! You will say something thoughtless, stupid and unkind. Here me out on this one: The person who was hurt does need to give the offending spouse the benefit of the doubt, "I know you did not intend to hurt me. I don't believe you get enjoyment out of hurting my feelings." Maybe the issue was a total misunderstanding or he or she touched on an issue that is a raw wound from your childhood or a previous marriage.

This is an opportunity when the offending spouse needs to assure his partner of his love and that he has no intention of trying to recreate wounds from her childhood or a previous marriage gone sour.

Four Sources of Marital Conflict

For the next four posts, I'm going to blog about marriage - particular the things that really mess up our relationships.
The worst aspect of marital conflict is that it pits husband and wives as enemies. When in the midst of an argument, the thinking changes from "I love you" to "it's me against you!" No longer do we care about the other person's personal growth, but our "personal victory."

So what do we find ourselves fighting over? Here's the first of four:

Our faults and frailties. Guess what? . . . we're not perfect. Everyone's got imperfections. Usually, they're based on the weaknesses of our personalities. One spouse is quiet and the other one is outgoing. At first, during the courting days, you may have loved that trait. Now that very trait that once attracted her to you has become egregious.

On the other hand, your quietness may now bother your spouse. She wants you to talk more. Here's the kicker: Neither one of you're wrong. You're both different people with different personality traits. Get used to it! You can learn from one another: one can learn to talk and express himself more and the other might need to talk a little less and learn to listen.

Sure, you can gently point out to your mate that when she talks too much, you don't feel you have a chance to contribute to the conversation. But your mate also may need to ask you to share what's in your heart, instead of being so quiet.

Museum Meanderings.....

We took our boys to the Children's Museum today and spent much of our time at the new "Comic Book" Exhibit. Fascinating stuff. It brings back memories of my childhood as I was into comics a little. I loved Iron Man (yes, seen the movie), as well as the Green Lantern and the Avengers.
Anyway, what was neat is that the exhibit has the Batmobile from "Batman Begins". I guess it really works - goes to 100 mph and was manufactured by Hummer. Maybe would be a nice 3rd car????

Living a life of purpose

There has to be a reason Rick Warren’s book The Purpose-Driven Life has sold 30 million copies. We are a society hungry for direction. We seem a bit lost when it comes to figuring out which way to point our compass. Warren asks the challenging question, “What on earth are we here for?�

Men and women are hardwired by God to have a purpose but we get distracted by the world and thus lose our way. Helen Keller said it best, “Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.� As Robert Byrne wrote, “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.�

And that purpose—the kind of purpose that actually changes lives—reaches outside the self. It goes beyond ME. Look at Proverbs 19:21: “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails� (NIV). We’re always striving for some purpose. In the end, however, it’s God’s purposes that prevail. And it’s a good thing too.

It’s the same question everybody asks at some point. Thankfully, he offers an answer. “You were made for a mission,� according to one of his chapter titles. You aren’t here just to wander around lost. And you aren’t here simply to live for yourself.

I love the way Eugene Peterson paraphrased Proverbs 11:28 in The Message: “A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree.� Warren is fond of saying, “Between this day and the next you will give your life to something. The decision on what that will be will shape your destiny.�

Perfectionists in an imperfect world

This is the problem that we perfectionists have - we don't live in a perfect world!

Learn to live with imperfect situations, unresolved issues and unfulfilled expectations without losing your great spirit.

There's always something that isn't the way you want it. Get happy in spite of this. As you deal with it, stay happy, not upset.

If the unresolved problem gets you, then it's won. Stay on top even when it's trying to get you down, and you'll win. This is Christianity at its best. Staying up in a down situation!

Blue tongues display something yummy!

This afternoon we went to the park, and afterwards headed over to Ritter's where the boys enjoyed their first Italian Ice (blue raspberry flavor!).

Enjoy your weekend!